Infatuation is defined by excitement and idealization of another person. Most of us have been there. We meet someone new and either for physical attraction, the new person’s constant attention and idealization of you, getting out and doing new things, or their constant affirmations of things you are into, it feels like love. In our age of incessant media, with romantic movies, books, and other media that only focus on the bright moments in life, infatuation can become a synonym for love, yet it’s not. Some people are driven by the constant “new thing.” Some people don’t know who they are and emulate you in the beginning of a relationship. As Oscar Wilde said, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” It’s heady stuff, infatuation. Who wouldn’t feel uplifted and think a great new romance is forming. Yet those imitating us are not being selves to themselves.
Beware of infatuation and making relationship decisions during this phase. Real love is something much deeper. Life is both exciting and mundane. We have daily chores, we have different moods, we have interactions that can compel or repel us. It’s easy to jump in during the infatuation phase, yet who is this other person? I realize there are some people that never argue, but is that from complete compatibility or the repression of feelings? These are things to think about when dating. I believe it’s rare when people agree completely. We’ve all had our own experiences and take aways from our lives. Life is inherently difficult. Do I love my job? Do I feel like a good parent? Do I even know how I got where I am? What do I really want? We all have a lot of internal monologues and struggles, some more, some less. Infatuation is often an extreme period of validation, yet love is deeper. Will this person be there when life gets tough? It feels good to set aside our worries and be a shiny bauble for the other and vice-versa, yet what happens if you get sick? If you feel overwhelmed? If you are struggling? A partner that truly loves will be there, not mimicking you but rather supporting you. A true partner can weather the ups and downs of life. They aren’t just in it for the fun and excitement. They have a true sense of the long haul. We all go through changes throughout life whether we want to admit it or not.
It’s important to know how someone you think you want to spend your life with is going to respond to new situations, adversity, your accomplishments, your exhaustion or stalemates. Life is both long, if we are lucky, and short. Real communication is key to long-lasting relationships. There will often, or perhaps always, be the “honeymoon phase.” Yet who is this other person in a crisis, when life is boring, when you feel on a precipice of change or need?
Enjoy the infatuation, yet never mistake it for love. Someone that really loves you is there for you warts and all. They are open, honest, and also fallible. We are only human. If someone constantly agrees with you, they are probably lying. If someone promises you the moon, remember it’s not theirs to give. Real love is respect for one another and an ability to work through the positives and negatives. We are all brilliant and fallible and those who truly love you will stick with you throughout.
Infatuation is not love. It’s a glorification. Best not to get together until you’ve had to go through some trouble and see how the other person truly responds to your needs.
There is true love and support. Know your partner or your partner to be.